The Perfect Man

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the checklist of "standards" I have while talking to a boy. Now my standards are kind of high and most likely unrealistic, but these are some things that I keep in mind when talking to a potential date.

1. Cute: I hate to be shallow, but to be honest, a like guys who are good looking. He doesn't need to be drop dead gorgeous, sex god, my ovaries are exploding cute, but nice looks are key. I have a soft spot for guys who are nerdy-cute or adorable-cute.

2. Smart: He doesn't need to be a genius, but to have an intelligent conversation with someone about the news or politics or even a book, would be amazing.

3. Family Oriented: My family and I are very, very close, so I want a guy who is close with his family. Plus, when a guy is cute with children and babies... Heart eye emoji for real.

4. Respectful: One thing I always tell every guy I start talking to is "I don't send nudes". I absolutely hate when a guy constantly asks for nudes. If a guy can respect that I don't send nudes and I don't want to talk dirty to him all the time, he's definitely a keeper.

5. Good Taste in Music: I have always wanted a boyfriend that I can "fangirl" over music and bands with. Even if he doesn't exactly "fangirl" with me, at least someone who knows what I'm talking about when I "fangirl".

6. Good Listener: I'm not much of a talker, but when I do have something to say, I really like when a guy listens. He doesn't even have to look at me while I'm talking, as long as he knows everything I'm saying in case I ask him a question.

7. "Normal": When I say normal, I don't mean not weird or anything. I'm talking about emotionally normal. Not a guy who is completely emotionally closed off and you always have to guess what they're feeling, and not a guy who is overly emotional, especially if he's more emotional than I am, but a guy who will talk about his feelings when he's worried about something in our relationship.

8. Goals for Himself: Now, I'm not the type of person to depend on a man to provide everything I want and need, but it would be nice for both of us to have jobs. That way, I'm not providing for him, and he isn't totally providing for me. But I definitely don't want a slacker, alcoholic, addict, or anything like that. I want someone who has a plan for himself and is working towards that plan.

9. Good Personality: For me, I believe the personality for my perfect match would be someone who is caring, funny, and driven. I really love helping people and volunteering, so having someone to do that with would be amazing.

Those are my major things but you know, if the guy is in a band or a movie star or completely gorgeous, but still has a good personality, then sign me up cause I'll take him. (indirect to Calum Hood and Keaton Stromberg)

Regrets

A regret, defined as feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity), is something that everyone has. Lately, I've been thinking about things that I regret doing, thinking, or saying this past year. 

Now, as much as I think that "new year, new me" shit is just a bunch of garbage, there are some ways to make a "new" you. 

Obviously, you're not going to change everything about yourself in a whole year. The way you think, act, and present yourself isn't going to transform that easily. If you want to improve yourself as a person, start small. And you definitely don't have to wait until a new year to start being a better person. 

I started to notice my flaws as an individual in October of 2014. And no, I'm not talking about my appearance, but more of myself as a person. I'll admit it, I'm not perfect, and honestly, nobody is. The human race is never going to be perfect, but we can set goals to be a better individual. 

In the past four months, I have noticed several flaws about myself:

1. I'm very judgmental 
2. I think about myself too much/make things about myself
3. I act irrationally when I'm upset
4. I hold unnecessary grudges
5. I'm very immature
6. I blow things out of proportion
7. I hurt too many people

Though there are most likely more things that I could work on, those are the seven that stick out to me the most. Now that you're probably thinking about your flaws, let me tell you how I plan to work on my list, and try to improve myself.

1. I've already begun to work on this one. The truth is, you don't know everyone's story, even if you think you do. This is something I've learned, unfortunately the hard way, but I'm glad I did. To give an example, there was a girl that I hated for very childish, immature reasons. I believe I hated her for well over two years before I finally got to know her as a person. It turned out, she wasn't anything like what I thought she was, and now, she's one of my best friends. Unfortunately, it doesn't always end up that way, but in order to try to better yourself, you have to take a chance. Whether it works or not depends on the other person, but at least you can say you tried.

2. This is something I still struggle with, but I'm working on it. I take part in role play accounts on Twitter. I do them for one of my books that I was struggling on writing and needed more ideas. Well, I got addicted to them, and the past two years, tried to use them as an escape from my own life. Yeah, that wasn't healthy for me to do. If things happened to my character, I would take it personally; I would think the person playing that other character was trying to hurt me, personally. Well, that wasn't the case. This caused me to hurt people and judge people who were only playing a character. Another way I've thought too much about myself, is when thinking I'm the only person who has problems. I went through a very long phase where I was very, very depressed, and thought I was the only person who had ever felt as bad as I did then. First off, my life isn't even HALF bad as what I made it seem like. People go through way worse than I have ever gone through, and I laugh at how I acted and thought on this topic before. The way to work through this is to start putting yourself in other people's shoes. Yes, it's difficult, and you really have to think about it while doing it, but it helps you see things in so many different perspectives. 

3. This is one of the things that I regret most. I can't even tell you how many friendships I have lost in the past seven years because of how I act when I'm upset. I have pushed so many people away, and ruined things with some of my favorite people. I would yell at my friends for things they had absolutely no control over, call people things that they indeed weren't, and intentionally try to hurt people so they could feel how I was feeling. Thinking about it now, I'm surprised I haven't been punched in the face a thousand times. Hell, I want to punch myself in the face because of how I acted. This is one of those things that I wish I could go back and erase, but I can't. I have apologized to most of the people I've done this too, others I can no longer reach, but I know that's the most I can do. I have though, learned ways to not act irrationally when I'm upset. For starters, instead of picking a fight when upset, I've learned to slowly stop all of the conversations that are taking place, whether it's on my phone or in person. Taking a few deep breaths always works, listening to some music, reading a book, but the key is to not let it get to you so much. Oh, and when you're stopping your conversations, don't be bitchy about it. Don't say "K." or make a rude/sarcastic remark. Either tell the person you have to go or don't answer their last message. When you've calmed down enough where you're thinking rationally again, continue the conversation. Trust me, your friends would much rather stop talking to you for an hour or so than to have you bully them for no reason. 

4. This is something that gives me problems everyday. I am definitely the type of person to hold grudges for years. I'm not saying that all grudges are bad, because there are multiple grudges that I cannot let go, just because they changed my life in such a negative way. But the little grudges, the "she hurt my feelings that one time", "he called me a bitch that one time" kind of grudges, just let go. You don't need to be buddy-buddy with the person, but you don't need to be a bitter ass bitch to them either. 

5. Immature has never been a word that I've used to describe myself. Intellectually, I tend to be much smarter than my peers when it comes to school. But I've learned that when it comes to "street" smarts, I am very, very immature. In all honesty, I don't know how to act around people my age; I've never known how. My social anxiety may be to blame, but honestly, I blame the fact that I'm immature when it comes to having friends or socializing with peers. For example, if people piss me off, I'll delete their number and try to delete them from my life. I find myself doing the dumbest things when it comes to my friends. I've been home-schooled since October, and I'll tell you honestly, I haven't seen ANY of my friends since June. Sure, they've invited me places, invited me to parties, but I'm so scared that I'll do something stupid, that I cancel on them (which is most likely the stupidest thing I could do). I haven't exactly found out how to improve myself when it comes to this, though. Suggestions are welcome haha.

6. Blowing things out of proportion is something I've done my whole life. It's also one of the things I hate most about myself. Something bad happens, and to me, the whole world is ending. Someone hurts my feelings, they're the devil's spawn. I don't know why I think this way, but I always have. I still struggle with this, probably because it's one of the things that I've recently realized about myself. I don't really have a way to improve myself when it comes to this, but I'm thinking that I just need to take a step back and look at the situation from a rational point of view, and not my instant pissed off/upset/panicked way that I usually do. Or in other words, seeing things the way they actually are.

7. Hurting people seems to be my specialty. I can't tell you why I do it, and most of the time, I don't mean to, but it happens. The truth is, if you hurt someone, you have a 50-50 chance of ever getting that person to trust you again. For example, I hurt both my best friend, and another girl that I've known for years. My best friend forgave me and we're trying to be friends again, but the other girl didn't forgive me. If this happens to you, remember, you did hurt them, and you don't necessarily deserve to be forgiven. I started to get upset while talking to the other girl, but then I reminded myself that I was at fault here, and that I haven't given her a reason to trust me. She only knows what I've shown her, and so far, that hasn't been anything good. If someone you've hurt doesn't forgive you, don't push it; let it go. You've apologized and that's all you can do. If the person wants to give you another chance, that's their decision, but if you try to push them into forgiving you, it's only going to make the situation worse. But all in all, try not to hurt people. If you type out something that you're not sure if it will hurt the person or not, don't send it; it's better to be cautious than to hurt someone else. If you're in person and you hurt someone, give it some time to cool down, and then try to fix it. Same thing if you hurt someone over social media or texting. And always remember, they may not forgive you, so don't get your hopes up. And if they do forgive you, make sure you don't hurt them again, because you may not get a third or fourth or fifth chance to make things better. 

So there you have it: a little insight into my thoughts. If there are flaws you have that you would like to work on but don't know how to, leave a comment or email me at katie.r.beckett@gmail.com and I'll do the best I can to help you out!