Reason #8472187 of why I hate leaving the house

So today at Walmart, my mom sends me to grab a bag of Veggie Straws. So I go down the aisle, and this lady and man are standing right in front of what I need to grab, and they're not moving. I figured they knew each other and they were just standing there while the woman looked for something in her purse.

When the woman started singing, I thought she was just being silly and trying to embarrass him: it's something I've seen multiple times at Walmart, so I didn't think it was that unusual. But right after I said, "excuse me sir can you reach me those-" I realized that they didn't know each other and that she was advertising something.

Instead of just passing me the bag, he interrupts the lady by saying "that was very rude." And he gave me this glare like I had just killed his puppy or something.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry." I said and I turned to apologize to the woman, when the guy says.

"That was very rude. You are very rude." I ignored what he said and turned to look at the lady again, but she had began to walk away. He starts to chase after her, calling her name, when I apologize again.

"I'm so sorry I thought you guys knew each other. I'm so sorry."

He looks back at me and goes. "Well now we do." And as I'm walking away, I hear him tell the lady. "Continue singing. That rude girl won't interrupt again."

And it was very hard for me to swallow back the tears. First: I am a very sensitive and emotional person. Very little things can trigger my tears and set me off. Second: it took me a lot of courage to even ask him to pass me the damn bag of veggie straws, since I have really bad social anxiety. Third: I think it was rude of them both to just stand there in front of the merchandise when they definitely could've walked two feet to the big open area where nobody was trying to grab stuff off the shelves. And I also thought the fact that he called me out and what I didn't think was being rude (for God's sake, I said excuse me, sir.) and why he thought he had to scold me like I was some child. He could've just handed me the bag and cursed me out in his head; there was no need to interrupt the lady again and be rude to me.

The moral of the story: if someone asks you to 'please pass me that' when you're standing in front of something, don't be rude to them. They could have really bad anxiety or they could be really depressed. Your comment may not seem harsh to you, but comments as little as "you are very rude" can make some people commit suicide. Oh and also, don't stand in front of the fucking shelves to yap your fucking mouths: move somewhere empty.

That is all.

Sea World//Sea animals in captivity

http://www.peta2.com/blog/veterinarian-visits-seaworld-san-diego/

Okay, so I am on a HUGE animal defense kick today. I read this article on Facebook about the sea animals being held in captivity at places such as Sea World. The way these animals are being treated is absolutely horrendous! No animal should have to go through the pain and suffering that these animals have to go through.

These animals are supposed to be wild. I mean, for crying out loud, these animals are supposed to have every single ocean on the planet to swim in. But these poor, poor animals are kept in swimming pools the size of the ones you can buy at Walmart. Their natural instincts tell them to roam free, but when held in these conditions, they cannot live to their potentials.

And the fact that these animals are developing MENTAL ILLNESSES is absolutely ridiculous. They're driving these animals to the actual point of crazy. They're killing each other; they're depressed and dis-formed; all for our entertainment. Is it really worth it? Is endangering these animals for our entertainment worth it? I don't think so.

In this century, scientists should have mechanical whales and dolphins that can survive in water for us to use for entertainment. I mean, if they can create robots to vacuum houses, they can create robotic animals to use.

These animals are NOT meant to be held in captivity. And I know some people are going to say: how about zoos? Aren't zoos inhumane as well? And yes, in some aspects, zoos are inhumane. But in other aspects, zoos are creating safe environments for endangered animals. If it weren't for zoos, both polar bears and tigers would be extinct, and probably a whole lot of other animals too. These sea creatures are NOT being held for their safety; they are NOT being held because they're endangered; they're being held for HUMAN entertainment. We aren't saving them from the wild; we aren't saving them from going extinct: we are shortening their lives and putting them in danger: of themselves and of their tank mates.

If we're going to keep these majestic animals in captivity, we need to not be cheap, and work on giving them better habitats. Habitats that are more like their natural ones: bigger, better, safer. These animals cannot help themselves: and as humans, we're responsible for their pain and suffering. But we can also be responsible for saving them and ensuring that they're treated right.

Animal abuse is never okay. And only we can help save them. Get educated. Get passionate. Get prepared to make a difference.

Justice for Caitlyn

https://www.change.org/p/justice-4-caitlyn?recruiter=323387326&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_page&utm_term=mob-xs-share_petition-custom_msg&fb_ref=Default


Animal abuse is never okay. Please sign this petition to help Caitlyn the dog get justice from her owner's horrible abuse. Comment if you sign this petition!

Pitch Perfect 2

Okay so a couple weeks ago, I went and saw Pitch Perfect 2 and I have to say: it was absolutely amazing! Just everything about it was perfect. I loved it so much better than the first one. I especially loved the new character, Emily, played by Hailee Steinfeld. I absolutely loved her story and I really hope they do a Pitch Perfect 3 with Emily as the main character! I would definitely recommend this movie to anyone!

A Tribute to Serena Hathaway

Recently, I've been to several funerals. I actually just got back from a trip to West Virginia, where we said goodbye to the lady who saved my grandfather's life.

I went to the funeral home with the mindset that I wasn't going to cry. I didn't know Grandma Reni that well, so I had no reason to cry. Those who knew her had a reason to cry, but I didn't. That was until I heard the story of how she saved my grandpa's life.

When my grandpa was seven years old, his dad kicked him out of the house. Why? That's something that I wasn't told. But he was left to fend for himself at seven years old. Grandma Reni and her husband (who I never got the chance to meet) were friends with my grandpa's dad (Grandpa's dad's name was Ofie). When they heard that my grandpa had been kicked out, they took him in. They raised him as if he were their own, and even wanted to adopt him, but Ofie wouldn't let him. Ofie didn't want to lose a farm hand: yes, he still made my grandpa travel from West Virginia to Ohio in the summertime to work on his farm. She made my grandpa the man he is today. Who knows where he would be if she hadn't taken him in: I know for sure that I wouldn't exist.

My grandpa's three sister's, Barbara, Beverly, and Lois, spent the whole funeral making sure my grandpa was okay. Yes, it was their real mom who had died, but they put their emotions aside to make sure my grandpa was okay, to make sure my grandpa didn't need anything, and they clung to him the whole time. He's the oldest of the four, but the three ladies acted as if they were comforting the baby of the family: it was honestly a pretty amazing sight.

I'm very upset that I wasn't able to get to know this incredible lady who raised my wonderful grandfather and his three amazing sisters, but I am very thankful for everything she has done for my family. Rest in peace Grandma Reni: thank you for saving my grandpa's life.

Insecurities

A lot of people have insecurities that they don't like people pointing out. So I've went out and asked people what their biggest insecurities are. Here are some results of this poll.

Too fat: If you weigh less than 250 pounds, please do not complain that you are fat. I weigh roughly 275: you may consider me fat. But if you are 125 pounds and you have a little chub, so what? Just because you're a little bit chubby doesn't mean you're full blown fat. A lot of girls fat shame themselves for no reason at all. And if you feel that you're fat, do something about it. Eat a little better, get some exercise, and maybe then you'll feel a little bit better about yourself. But please, do not go overboard and become anorexic. Skinny is nice to look at, and being skinny feels nice, but there's a fine line between healthy skinny and unhealthy skinny. If you are fat: flaunt it. My cousin always says that she's "big and proud". But if you're like me and you don't like "flaunting" it, there are ways to hide it if losing weight isn't for you. I wear a lot of baggy clothing, or clothes with many layers of ruffles and such so my fat rolls are hidden. But whether you're skinny or "fat", you should feel happy in your body. 

No thigh gap: First off, I've never understood this whole thigh gap thing. Doctors have said that thigh gaps are unnatural, and that thigh gaps only happen to people who have wider hips. Thigh gaps aren't something that we can control: it's just the way our bodies have been built. So don't feel bad if you don't have a thigh gap, and you shouldn't feel bad if you have a thigh gap, either. We can't control the way our bodies are built, so embrace what you've been given. 

Looks: Not everyone is going to look like a Victoria's Secret model. It's just not possible. If you don't like the way you look, try a little make-up. I wear just eyeliner, but I feel like it makes me look a lot better than when I don't wear it. I know feminists say that you shouldn't wear make-up to look pretty, but if wearing make-up makes you feel good about yourself, who cares what people say? 

Scars: In this context, scars are those in which have been self-inflicted. I'm only going to say one thing about this: you may have the scars, but you're still here, right? The scars show that you've been through a rough time, but your presence proves that you made it through. But if your scars really bother you, cocoa butter works. 

The way people see me: This is something I always worry about. I have bad anxiety, so whenever I'm out somewhere and people are laughing, I feel as if they're laughing at me. I want to look good when I go out because I don't want people to see me as "trashy" or "gross". I always try to make my hair look good, I almost always have make-up on, and I always look out at what I wear. In all honesty, I'm not sure what advice to give you guys about this. But just try to make yourself happy, and don't worry about what other people think. 

Having no self-confidence: Not many people have self-confidence: I know I don't. If you do: that's great! Good job and keep that self-confidence. If you don't: try to look at the positive aspects of how you look, and don't focus on the negative aspects. 

Stretch marks: I used to think that only fat people have stretch marks. That's not true at all. Having stretch marks is not a bad thing: it just means your body isn't keeping up (I believe anyways). Cocoa butter also works when wanting to get rid of stretch marks.

 

February 2015 Playlist

Hey everyone! I wanted to do something a little different and post the top 15 songs on my playlist for this month. If you guys like this, I might start doing it every month!

Top 15 Songs of February 2015

15. Them Girls Be Like: Fifth Harmony
14. Bo$$: Fifth Harmony
13. I Hurt: Brooke Hyland
12. Fire N Gold: Bea Miller
11. Young Blood: Bea Miller
10. Jealous: Nick Jonas
9. Enemy Fire: Bea Miller
8. Homewrecker: Marina and The Diamonds
7. Sledgehammer: Fifth Harmony
6. Curl Up And Die: Relient K
5. Thinking Out Loud: Ed Sheeran
4. Obsessed: Emblem3
3. Middle of Starting Over: Sabrina Carpenter
2. Renegade: Cimorelli
1. Dracula: Bea Miller

How to Plan a Book

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKvgBSiclwE

Take a look at this video that I made for my Wattpad fans! It's all about planning out a book (especially fanfiction) because a lot of people keep asking me haha. Hope you all enjoy!

The Perfect Man

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the checklist of "standards" I have while talking to a boy. Now my standards are kind of high and most likely unrealistic, but these are some things that I keep in mind when talking to a potential date.

1. Cute: I hate to be shallow, but to be honest, a like guys who are good looking. He doesn't need to be drop dead gorgeous, sex god, my ovaries are exploding cute, but nice looks are key. I have a soft spot for guys who are nerdy-cute or adorable-cute.

2. Smart: He doesn't need to be a genius, but to have an intelligent conversation with someone about the news or politics or even a book, would be amazing.

3. Family Oriented: My family and I are very, very close, so I want a guy who is close with his family. Plus, when a guy is cute with children and babies... Heart eye emoji for real.

4. Respectful: One thing I always tell every guy I start talking to is "I don't send nudes". I absolutely hate when a guy constantly asks for nudes. If a guy can respect that I don't send nudes and I don't want to talk dirty to him all the time, he's definitely a keeper.

5. Good Taste in Music: I have always wanted a boyfriend that I can "fangirl" over music and bands with. Even if he doesn't exactly "fangirl" with me, at least someone who knows what I'm talking about when I "fangirl".

6. Good Listener: I'm not much of a talker, but when I do have something to say, I really like when a guy listens. He doesn't even have to look at me while I'm talking, as long as he knows everything I'm saying in case I ask him a question.

7. "Normal": When I say normal, I don't mean not weird or anything. I'm talking about emotionally normal. Not a guy who is completely emotionally closed off and you always have to guess what they're feeling, and not a guy who is overly emotional, especially if he's more emotional than I am, but a guy who will talk about his feelings when he's worried about something in our relationship.

8. Goals for Himself: Now, I'm not the type of person to depend on a man to provide everything I want and need, but it would be nice for both of us to have jobs. That way, I'm not providing for him, and he isn't totally providing for me. But I definitely don't want a slacker, alcoholic, addict, or anything like that. I want someone who has a plan for himself and is working towards that plan.

9. Good Personality: For me, I believe the personality for my perfect match would be someone who is caring, funny, and driven. I really love helping people and volunteering, so having someone to do that with would be amazing.

Those are my major things but you know, if the guy is in a band or a movie star or completely gorgeous, but still has a good personality, then sign me up cause I'll take him. (indirect to Calum Hood and Keaton Stromberg)

Regrets

A regret, defined as feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity), is something that everyone has. Lately, I've been thinking about things that I regret doing, thinking, or saying this past year. 

Now, as much as I think that "new year, new me" shit is just a bunch of garbage, there are some ways to make a "new" you. 

Obviously, you're not going to change everything about yourself in a whole year. The way you think, act, and present yourself isn't going to transform that easily. If you want to improve yourself as a person, start small. And you definitely don't have to wait until a new year to start being a better person. 

I started to notice my flaws as an individual in October of 2014. And no, I'm not talking about my appearance, but more of myself as a person. I'll admit it, I'm not perfect, and honestly, nobody is. The human race is never going to be perfect, but we can set goals to be a better individual. 

In the past four months, I have noticed several flaws about myself:

1. I'm very judgmental 
2. I think about myself too much/make things about myself
3. I act irrationally when I'm upset
4. I hold unnecessary grudges
5. I'm very immature
6. I blow things out of proportion
7. I hurt too many people

Though there are most likely more things that I could work on, those are the seven that stick out to me the most. Now that you're probably thinking about your flaws, let me tell you how I plan to work on my list, and try to improve myself.

1. I've already begun to work on this one. The truth is, you don't know everyone's story, even if you think you do. This is something I've learned, unfortunately the hard way, but I'm glad I did. To give an example, there was a girl that I hated for very childish, immature reasons. I believe I hated her for well over two years before I finally got to know her as a person. It turned out, she wasn't anything like what I thought she was, and now, she's one of my best friends. Unfortunately, it doesn't always end up that way, but in order to try to better yourself, you have to take a chance. Whether it works or not depends on the other person, but at least you can say you tried.

2. This is something I still struggle with, but I'm working on it. I take part in role play accounts on Twitter. I do them for one of my books that I was struggling on writing and needed more ideas. Well, I got addicted to them, and the past two years, tried to use them as an escape from my own life. Yeah, that wasn't healthy for me to do. If things happened to my character, I would take it personally; I would think the person playing that other character was trying to hurt me, personally. Well, that wasn't the case. This caused me to hurt people and judge people who were only playing a character. Another way I've thought too much about myself, is when thinking I'm the only person who has problems. I went through a very long phase where I was very, very depressed, and thought I was the only person who had ever felt as bad as I did then. First off, my life isn't even HALF bad as what I made it seem like. People go through way worse than I have ever gone through, and I laugh at how I acted and thought on this topic before. The way to work through this is to start putting yourself in other people's shoes. Yes, it's difficult, and you really have to think about it while doing it, but it helps you see things in so many different perspectives. 

3. This is one of the things that I regret most. I can't even tell you how many friendships I have lost in the past seven years because of how I act when I'm upset. I have pushed so many people away, and ruined things with some of my favorite people. I would yell at my friends for things they had absolutely no control over, call people things that they indeed weren't, and intentionally try to hurt people so they could feel how I was feeling. Thinking about it now, I'm surprised I haven't been punched in the face a thousand times. Hell, I want to punch myself in the face because of how I acted. This is one of those things that I wish I could go back and erase, but I can't. I have apologized to most of the people I've done this too, others I can no longer reach, but I know that's the most I can do. I have though, learned ways to not act irrationally when I'm upset. For starters, instead of picking a fight when upset, I've learned to slowly stop all of the conversations that are taking place, whether it's on my phone or in person. Taking a few deep breaths always works, listening to some music, reading a book, but the key is to not let it get to you so much. Oh, and when you're stopping your conversations, don't be bitchy about it. Don't say "K." or make a rude/sarcastic remark. Either tell the person you have to go or don't answer their last message. When you've calmed down enough where you're thinking rationally again, continue the conversation. Trust me, your friends would much rather stop talking to you for an hour or so than to have you bully them for no reason. 

4. This is something that gives me problems everyday. I am definitely the type of person to hold grudges for years. I'm not saying that all grudges are bad, because there are multiple grudges that I cannot let go, just because they changed my life in such a negative way. But the little grudges, the "she hurt my feelings that one time", "he called me a bitch that one time" kind of grudges, just let go. You don't need to be buddy-buddy with the person, but you don't need to be a bitter ass bitch to them either. 

5. Immature has never been a word that I've used to describe myself. Intellectually, I tend to be much smarter than my peers when it comes to school. But I've learned that when it comes to "street" smarts, I am very, very immature. In all honesty, I don't know how to act around people my age; I've never known how. My social anxiety may be to blame, but honestly, I blame the fact that I'm immature when it comes to having friends or socializing with peers. For example, if people piss me off, I'll delete their number and try to delete them from my life. I find myself doing the dumbest things when it comes to my friends. I've been home-schooled since October, and I'll tell you honestly, I haven't seen ANY of my friends since June. Sure, they've invited me places, invited me to parties, but I'm so scared that I'll do something stupid, that I cancel on them (which is most likely the stupidest thing I could do). I haven't exactly found out how to improve myself when it comes to this, though. Suggestions are welcome haha.

6. Blowing things out of proportion is something I've done my whole life. It's also one of the things I hate most about myself. Something bad happens, and to me, the whole world is ending. Someone hurts my feelings, they're the devil's spawn. I don't know why I think this way, but I always have. I still struggle with this, probably because it's one of the things that I've recently realized about myself. I don't really have a way to improve myself when it comes to this, but I'm thinking that I just need to take a step back and look at the situation from a rational point of view, and not my instant pissed off/upset/panicked way that I usually do. Or in other words, seeing things the way they actually are.

7. Hurting people seems to be my specialty. I can't tell you why I do it, and most of the time, I don't mean to, but it happens. The truth is, if you hurt someone, you have a 50-50 chance of ever getting that person to trust you again. For example, I hurt both my best friend, and another girl that I've known for years. My best friend forgave me and we're trying to be friends again, but the other girl didn't forgive me. If this happens to you, remember, you did hurt them, and you don't necessarily deserve to be forgiven. I started to get upset while talking to the other girl, but then I reminded myself that I was at fault here, and that I haven't given her a reason to trust me. She only knows what I've shown her, and so far, that hasn't been anything good. If someone you've hurt doesn't forgive you, don't push it; let it go. You've apologized and that's all you can do. If the person wants to give you another chance, that's their decision, but if you try to push them into forgiving you, it's only going to make the situation worse. But all in all, try not to hurt people. If you type out something that you're not sure if it will hurt the person or not, don't send it; it's better to be cautious than to hurt someone else. If you're in person and you hurt someone, give it some time to cool down, and then try to fix it. Same thing if you hurt someone over social media or texting. And always remember, they may not forgive you, so don't get your hopes up. And if they do forgive you, make sure you don't hurt them again, because you may not get a third or fourth or fifth chance to make things better. 

So there you have it: a little insight into my thoughts. If there are flaws you have that you would like to work on but don't know how to, leave a comment or email me at katie.r.beckett@gmail.com and I'll do the best I can to help you out!